Wow. I just don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been gone. I’ve been gone a long time. Well, I’ve not been gone, but I’ve neglected this thing that I call my own—my journal. I’ve been waiting until I felt full of energy and thought. The way things have been going, though, it’s obvious that that time is long in coming. So, I guess I’ll just toss out the outlines of entries (from last month), and just start from scratch.
Where have I been?
I went home for Christmas. Although I had been there for Thanksgiving, my family did indeed want me to be there for Christmas, as well. I had a fabulous time. My brother, whom I’ve not seen in six years, was going to be there. We hoped. I was a little nervous because it has been so long. My brother has not had the best life these last few years. It’s no one’s fault but his own, but they’ve been hard nonetheless. His girlfriend and he live together and share her son (not his biologically, but in every other way that little boy is my brother’s son—Don’s been there since Trevor’s birth). They also share a desire to cook drugs. The authorities raided their home, and they were both arrested and charged with felonies. They were making crack-cocaine it seems. Don had been in and out of jail since he graduated from high school and moved to Minneapolis. Many of the arrests have been drug or alcohol related—driving under the influence, possession, etc. It’s sad really. He’s been to rehab a couple of times. I really hope this last time helps. Currently he is awaiting his final trial and sentence. It looks like he’ll be spending 3-5 years in prison, though. His girlfriend gets off scott-free because she’s a mother. Hmmm . . .
Because Don came home, things got a little tense. He and my dad don’t get along very well. Don is my mom’s son from her first marriage, and although Dad has been Don’s daddy since he was two years old, things didn’t remain all rosy and full of sugarplums. It’s a little Don and a little Dad. They are both to blame, I think. Regardless, things are never good with them being in the same place anymore. Even though there was a bit of tension here and there, it was indeed good to see Don. I just hope that he and I get to know one another again. Even when I saw him last, I didn’t ever see him a whole lot. I’ve lived away from home, too, for a long time. I always hope the best for Don. He’s my brother, and I love him dearly.
Other than that, the Christmas holiday was a good one. I spent every moment with one of my sisters or my mother or all three. I had absolutely no time to myself, which is fine. I have lots of time by myself when I’m here in California. It was good to be that busy. It was tiring, too, but very good! I also got to spend some quality time with my wonderful nephews.
I ate too much and gained a few pounds. Darn it. Heh.
What’s been going on with me?
The last time that I wrote, I had mentioned that I was considering moving to the South this summer to live and work elsewhere. Well, it looks like that might actually be happening. So many things have been going on, and I wouldn’t know where to begin.
1. The state of California is in a huge deficit and education funding is getting hacked away.
2. The numbers at school are lower and lower each year. Each year my position at my school is at risk. It doesn’t feel good to know that I am the one to get cut if it should come to cutting a teacher’s position. The way things are going. If I don’t lose my job this year, it’ll be next year.
3. I am thirty-three years old. I’ll be thirty-four in five months. I am single. I don’t want to be single. I don’t live in an area with a lot of single men my age. I’ve looked. I want to have children. I keep reading these magazine articles that say that the possibility for fertilization considerably drops at thirty-five. Ummm . . . yeah. Enough said. I need to place myself where I might have more of a chance of meeting men my age. Watch out. I’m on the hunt.
4. The arrangement at school is going to change. If I continue at my school, I’ll most likely get shifted to a first-grade class next year, possibly a Kindergarten/first combination. I won’t do it. I wouldn’t be happy teaching that grade. I love that age child, but I don’t want to teach them. I want to work with kids who can read and write already. I want to help them master those skills. I want to do fun and exciting writing projects, literacy circles, book talks, dioramas, etc.
5. Now would be the time to go. I will have five years of experience after this year, and most school districts won’t give you more than five years of experience elsewhere toward the pay scale.
Everything just seems to be pointing toward a move. A change. A new beginning. If I hadn’t already been considering a change, I’d be devastated right now and wondering where I’d be next year. I’d be worrying and losing sleep, literally. But I’m not doing that because I am completely eager to do something different. It’s all good.
What’s happening with the job search?
Well, I finally started telling people what I was doing. It has definitely gone from “a chance” to a “likely possibility”. Nothing is 100%, but it really does look like I’ll be heading south in July.
I first told a colleague of mine, Lorna, who has four or five of her kids mainstreaming in my classroom. She and I talk at the end of the day a lot, and I just felt comfortable talking to her about it. It was good to finally say it out loud to someone at school and get their thoughts about it. She doesn’t want me to leave, but she completely understands and agrees with the reasons. A couple of weeks after I discussed it with her, Patsy walked through my room on her way to pick up her kids and said that she had just talked to our principal, and he talked to her about teaching in the lower grades. Now, she didn’t know that I knew about that, so I kind of said something like, “Yeah, it looks like it’s going to be me who is gets reassigned.” Then I casually said something about thinking that it’s time to move. Katy was also in there by then so I quickly told them what I was thinking about. They, too, agreed with my thought process (after listing the reasons). It’s funny. When people hear of my plans, they immediately wonder what happened. Heh. Then they hear me out and end up agreeing with me. Everyone is excited for me. They don’t want to see me go, but they are excited for the possibilities that lie ahead for me.
Since I had told Katy and Patsy, I felt that I better talk to my principal about it, give him a heads-up about the situation. It was hard because the last several years he has worked so incredibly hard to keep me at the school. He’s done so much for me, and he is truly a great administer. I know that I was lucky when he offered me the job five years ago. Anyway, he completely understood why I was thinking what I was thinking and agreed that it was a good time for me to be thinking of this.
After telling him, I felt comfortable telling the people with whom I work closely—the third- and fourth-grade teachers. It’s becoming really real!
To be continued . . .
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