It’s March 1st! Happy Jerry Day! This entry is dedicated to my readers.
I have so many great readers of my journal. There are those of you who check in on me when I’ve been away for awhile, those who e-mail and send encouraging words when it’s apparent that I’m not as optimistic about things as I’d like to pretend to be, those who relate to something that I said and mention it, and I appreciate all of you. Why is it Jerry Day, you might wonder. I have a reader who’s very persistent in encouraging me to keep writing. So, this one’s for you, Jerry! The first of the month, as kindly suggested. Heh.
My last entry was kind of angsty, wasn’t it? I feel like so many of them are lately. Is that my life now, full of angst and frustration? I really hope not.
Since my last entry, things at school haven’t gotten much better. The following day seemed to be, but then it went downhill. One of the things that had been discussed in “the meeting” was that J had said hello to one of the others but never got a hello in return. Both seemed to be missing each other’s morning greetings. So, it seems that we are all going out of way to say hello. Well, I always did. Heh. Things seem a bit forced, though. I’m hoping that eventually it won’t seem so forced but instead it will seem natural. See the optimism?!?
I’m going to continue being the person that I was before “the meeting”. I am going to smile and say hello. I’m going to stop into the rooms and chat with the girls. I am going to offer some of my ideas and share my life with them. I’m not going to change who I am. I am a little worried that they are hurt that I would think that they were unkind to me (which was never ever said by anyone but them when they replied to J’s concerns—“I have never known myself to be unkind to Maggie.”) I feel that they have some bad feelings about me right now, but again, I think that it will get better. Wounds take time to heal.
Enough about that . . .
Thursday was a snow day! It was my first snow day as a teacher. I was told early in the year during new-teacher orientation that they canceled school at the earliest sign of snow. Being a Wisconsinite, I am used to having a lot of snow fall before school is called off. Heh. Well, there was a winter snowstorm that came in and snow, ice, and rain all fell at the same time. This was, of course, treacherous! School was, indeed, called off. I was able to turn over and go right back to bed. One of the other third-grade teachers was the one before me on the phone tree. She didn’t get a hold of me at first, so the team leader called me, too. I called them both back. I had a really nice conversation with my third-grade colleague. She is one whom I definitely respect a lot as a teacher and a person. I’d really like to get to know her more.
I’m so incredibly lazy. I could have used the day off to work on lesson plans, or grading the endless stack of papers, or recording grades in the gradebook. But I didn’t. I did nothing all day long. I’m really good at that. It’s what I do most weekends. Heh. Nothing. Perhaps someday I will get some gumption to actually be active on the weekends. I haven’t even explored Atlanta yet since I’ve been here! How awful is that? I have to change that. There’s gotta be a lot to do there. ;-)
Friday was back to school. I did hope for another snow day, but it was not to be had. The weather was too warm, so the rain did not freeze as expected. Oh well, I guess the students will just have to have their tests!
Although Wednesday wasn’t horribly tense, Friday was! Incredibly so. I could have cut the tension with a butter knife, I tell ya. One of the team wasn’t there for the meeting; she was dealing with a death in her family. She was there on Friday, though. I felt tension from her, but I just wrote it off as still being sad from her grandpa’s death. However, by the end of the day, I sensed it was more. I hope that I’m wrong.
There are seven of us. Five of them were going to New Orleans for a girl’s weekend. J and I were, of course, not part of those plans. It was a bit uncomfortable. I found out about the trip by walking into lunch as they were discussing it with another teacher. It was a bit awkward. I can understand not being invited. Truly. I’m new. They haven’t had a chance to get to know me well enough for a weekend trip together. However, it would have been nice to be told about the trip before just accidentally finding out about it. Honesty goes a long way. I would have preferred to hear, “Maggie, we don’t want you to feel left out or offended that we didn’t invite you. We planned this before we got to know you . . . “ etc, etc. Call me crazy! Heh. That was one of the exclusions that both J and I felt (even though I completely understood that exclusion—I don’t expect to come in and be anyone’s best friend).
Again, I know things will get better. They will dagnabit! I have a smile plastered to my face, and I am genuinely going to try even harder to get to know my colleagues on more than a professional basis. Hopefully their time in New Orleans will have given them a new outlook on things, too.
Can’t we all just get along? Heh.
No school on Monday, and Tuesday is a work day/inservice. This week is going to go by far too quickly. Only one more week until standardized testing. Yikes!
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