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| Those Who Can, Teach |
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School is going fairly well. Some days are good. Some days are not so good. I’m still struggling with finding the perfect potion for a well-maintained and controlled environment. I’ve really never struggled this much with a class. My little girl who was put back on meds is still a bit of a challenge. I was hoping that the medication would improve things, but it seems that it’s not as much as an improvement as I had hoped. I am grateful for the little improvement that there is, though. I feel bad for the little girl.
Her parents are at the end of their ropes with her. They don’t know what else to do. They are considering a temporary group-home facility for behavior modification. (She would be there for six months.) She doesn’t take meds at home, so she’s always coming down off the meds when she gets home. Apparently she is pretty aggressive with her baby brother, and it frightens her parents. Something’s wrong there, but I don’t know what.
At times she is so attentive and productive in class. It makes me so proud and happy to have her in my classroom. She is an incredibly bright student, and she has the potential to do some really great things. We have what is called G.A.T.E., which is a Gifted and Talented program. I have no doubt that she could qualify for something like that. However, with her behavior issues so abundantly at the forefront, she most likely wouldn’t be a candidate.
Most days, though, she isn’t attentive and productive in class. Today I decided to count the number of books and items that I took away from her. While I am teaching a lesson, she is often found with her nose in a book. While I commend such a great enthusiasm for reading, I don’t appreciate or tolerate reading while I am teaching or while the students should be working. Today I took eight books away from her, two tacks, two compasses (little, itty bitty ones that we used today for a cardinal directions lesson), three paperclips, and a few other little things. All in a day’s work!
Every time I would take something away from her, she’d go and get something else. She’s very orally fixated, and I find her chewing on things throughout the entire day. It gets very tiresome to keep an incredibly close eye on her (constantly) while trying to teach and work with other students at the same time. I love being a teacher, don’t get me wrong, but this student just saps every bit of energy I have. She demands each and every moment of mine during the day. (She seriously has a problem realizing that there are other kids in the room who need me, too. This is a problem that I have discussed with her mother, who said that she is the same way at home.)
I am truly concerned about the effects that she is having on me and on my effectiveness in teaching what I need to be teaching. I know that it sounds a bit extreme, but I’m really not being overly dramatic about this whole situation. I don’t know how I am going to survive another three quarters at this rate. I am continually talking to other teachers, gleaning any kind of advice for classroom management and behavior-modification techniques that might possibly work for me and for my class.
I have nineteen other students who need me. I also have other students who take almost as much energy as this girl does. It makes for a very long and hard day. I love teaching. I love being with kids all day. The best thing in the world is when I see students working on something that I have taught them and they are finally getting it. I sit back and try to take in all the things that I get from these kids, too. Most of them still have respect for adults. That’s why I love this age! They still think that an adult (a teacher) is someone to whom they should listen.
They just get a little sidetracked and distracted.
I still stand back and watch the students as they work, thinking to myself that I can’t possibly be standing here, teaching the kids, and affecting their lives forever. It scares me, to tell you the truth. At times anyway.
I have so many thoughts in my head each day. I have many concerns, wishes, and hopes for these kids. It’s not just that I want them quietly working and listening to my every word with bated breath. I want them to learn as much as they can, and to do that they need to do in order to learn. Each day I find something to smile about, even if it doesn’t sound like I do. I really am a happy teacher. I have a lot of fun with my students. They have a good time with me, too. I know my kids enjoy their days with me. That’s not even in question. In fact, I think of this every time I start getting overwhelmed and frustrated.
They are still the apples of my eye. They are still the reason I wake up in the morning. They are still the reason I give up many weeknights to do work for future lessons or even the current ones. I consider myself very fortunate to be allowed to teach. All teachers should. We are lucky.
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